How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
