Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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