Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Found your dick twin last night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
