Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
