I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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