okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
