dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
