i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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