Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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