I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
