i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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