she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
