I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
