Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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