home. puking in laundry basket.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
