what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
