I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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