he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
