I wish my penis had an off switch
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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