Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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