I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize