I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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