id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
