He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
