I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
