This is not my ceiling
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
