Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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