Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
