Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
