i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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