I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
