my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No subtext here. People are naked.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
