Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
