I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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