3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
