Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
