I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
