Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
