im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
