I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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