We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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