did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
