you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize