First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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