i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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