obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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