): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
