I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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