Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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