There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
