They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
