Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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