All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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