So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
