There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
