Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
