i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Alive.
So much puke
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
