Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
