Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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