How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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