she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
