nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
