On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
