erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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