Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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